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Tue, Aug. 26th, 2003, 12:31 pm
Empty space...

That what it feels many people have as of right now... an empty space in their minds and hearts which they are aching to fill with something that comforts them. Sadly, they seem to think death will fill the void.

Love is the only thing which can fill the void which they feel. Love is the only thing they need right now... they do not need hurtful words being they hurt themselves enough mentally. No matter how truthful the painful words may seem to the speakers and listeners, it does not mean it should be done so heartlessly.

I think everyone should just take them time to take a deep breath and say "How would I feel if I were this person in this situation?" and "How would I feel if someone said something like '____' to me?" and if, on the last one, if it makes you feel bad think also "How can I keep the message of my words without making it seem so hurtful toward these emotionally instable peoples?"

I know Sean must be going through so much as of right now... Being not too long ago he lost the older version of myself... his mother. The two were obviously close being she was the only parent there to finish raising him. One can only expect him to be in a confused state of mind, not knowing exactly what to do or say with himself now. I can only wish to be half as much assistance to him for a mother's voice as my older self was. I will say a prayer to the gods that his problems will work themselves out.

As for John, though I do not approve of what his actions were I cannot rebuke him for them... Because he was only doing what he felt he should do. And he said many times he really did not feel as if he were Sean's father so one cannot truly hold himself accountable for the actions he took to sooth Sean's grievances. And even John's emotional stability was not exactly the greatest of things, being he felt as if he and George were growing apart as lovers.

Dear Yuka... Since coming here, I have become very fond of you. You remind me much of myself. My son needs a strong hearted woman such as you to keep him upon his feet. But, always bare in mind, Sean is in many ways like his father he can and will do things he thinks will make things better when it really just makes them worse. When it all comes down to it in the end, it takes doing the wrong thing for them to realize that the strength and stability they had been seeking had been right there with them all along. IN the 70's, JOhn had a "lost weekend" to make him realized how much he really loved me and needed me in his life. For Sean, it took an almost Oedipus-type scenerio from him to realize how much he needs and loves you.

I will now take this time to quote my future self:
"I have always tried to find something positive about everything even in bad situations... It is the only thing that keeps me going."

//-.-\\ooOO[now it's back to the hospital...]

Tue, Aug. 26th, 2003, 08:20 am

I think I'm going to just... go to my room and go to sleep again and hope whoever resides in the heavens has mercy and just lets me die in my sleep...

I would bitch about wanting to go back to my own time but... I *am* in my own time... -sigh- I just feel as if I can't win for losing...

Tue, Aug. 26th, 2003, 01:51 am
aye me...

Apparently things aren't as "honky-dory" with Yuka as I thought. I just hope she knows that I wasn't lying when I said I wanted her to be the only one from now on.


Where's my mom when I really need her insane but wise council? Oh yeah... she's... with... John... making sure he's alright.

Mon, Aug. 25th, 2003, 12:34 pm

Trying hard to act normally in spite of odd feeling in pit of stomach

No big offense to anyone but... I feel very... odd... with myself. I don't know. Maybe one thing I did was a big mistake...

Yuka came by this morning thank god after my guest had left and she and I had a long talk... she apologized for over-reacting then used the PMS excuse. Then, for the first time (since I had been telling her the same) Yuka gave me a hug and said she loved me. And I finally realize that it really is her that I love with my whole heart and soul anyone else (there's actually been about three or four "other people") was just a momentary lapse of sanity.

Do I regret these affairs? No. As mom always says, you can't change moments in the past so why dwell on them? It's best to just keep them in the past where they happened so that's where they'll stay. I simply told Yuka there had been momentary other people while I was in a relationship with her but I didn't give the names of any of them (mainly because one of them is her best friend so...)

Do I love Yuka? Yes. Very much so... She is, as I said earlier, my heart and soul. And now I have no reason to go around being insecure and wondering if she loves me. I heard the words softly come from her lips while her arms were embracing me. I heard the sincerity in her voice.

Then we cried and just held each other and told each other we loved the each other. And then mom, who had been standing outside the door listening, ruined the moment by busting in and hugged us both saying how sweet we were.

So, anyways, I'm just here saying, I'm putting everything that has happened before Yuka and I had our talk earlier behind me and devoting myself soley to her and her alone.


Mon, Aug. 25th, 2003, 08:26 am

I was thinking Yuka was here last night... But, I was awoke to the doorbuzzer this morning and it was lovely Yuka. I was too stunned to say anything so I just let her go on to Sean's room to wake him up.

I don't think I understand what happened... Are the rumors I have heard true? Sean and... and... -faints-


Mon, Aug. 25th, 2003, 12:01 am

I just want to take this time to thank John for coming over and banging the hell out of me cheering me up... Though my ass foot hurts from where I was getting laid sitting on it... I must say it was a very nice conversation and cheered me up very much. only it did feel a bit strange when he yelled "Who's your daddy!" @,@;;

Anyways... Thanks John...

=scurries back to bedroom and eases back into bed with sleeping john=


Sun, Aug. 24th, 2003, 09:02 pm

I just returned home from my search to find Yuka so to ask her to kindly look over what Sean did when I sleep-walked through nude... But, apparently she found him first. //^_^\\

I do believe they are in his room "making up" after their argument. At least that is what I hope all the loud breathing and sound of the headboard hitting the wall is and I hope it is not more fighting... However, I'm not alarmed... They always get noisy after arguments. Sexual frenzy after a fight is always a very good thing for young people. Very healthy as well.

I do believe I will go make use of those battery powered devices my future self kept hidden under her bed... and pretend they are all john...

//^_^\\ Yoko

Sun, Aug. 24th, 2003, 06:21 pm

I think my drunken self screwed a lot of things up... Yuka called me... But... she wasn't exactly friendly. Because apparently I called her last night before making my post and was talking rather... filthy to her and not in a perverted way. I was or less very rude to her calling her s sniveling little spoiled brat that really didn't have any real musical talent because all she ever writes about in her songs is food. I apologized repeatedly and tried to assure her I really didn't tink that way about Cibo Matto and if i really did feel that way I wouldn't be their bassist.

She just yelled "Well, you're not any more!" and hung up on me...

;_; I don't know what to do... I think she hates me now...


Sun, Aug. 24th, 2003, 08:39 am

Um... first thing this lovely fucking morning I had the wake up call of having to puke my fucking brains out. THEN I log on to find I apparently did some stupid shit while drunk. All I recall of last night as sitting at the bar quietly, drinking my alcohol and... thinking. Dad was there but... I don't think we really said much. I've always been the quiet contemplative type when my mind is being all weird on me. The mom I grew up with (the one that resides in an urn in her room) said Dad used to do the same thing when he was my age.

Apparently, I'm also not very friendly when intoxicated because mom is playing the messages on the answering machine and someone said something sideways to me and dad and I punched the hell out of them and continued trying to beat their ass "But we are grateful his friend was there to help restrain him from doing further damage" ... o,o um... Thanks for restraining me Dad...?

Anyways, disreguard that drunken message I made... I um... Didn't mean it. I mean, yeah I love my dad but... he's my dad you know... I cam be expected to love my dad right? Especially when he hasn't been around for so long and suddenly, here he is. Of course I'm going to crave father/son interaction... That's all it is... I hope... Even though it IS hard to see this younger guy as my Dad... That's what he IS... "Nice to see you realize that Sean"... You're welcome...

As for Cyn, I don't take religious advice from any religion with double standards (no offense toward you Cyn). So before you try and tell me drinking is a sin... make sure you're not part of a religion at keeps stock in bottles of wine. Becuase you HONESTLY can't tell me ALL those bottles are used JUST for religious services... even if they were... those would be some drunk assed participants...

Hm, on second thought... I don't think I take advice from any religion in general.

But... "mom" bought me a big basket of Godiva chocolates so I can use those to keep me company in my room... all alone...

I miss Yuka ;_;

Sat, Aug. 23rd, 2003, 10:37 pm
89hdjkbni e

heloao everytone... m name is sean. i am verrrrry very drunk.xsdgfd///

IamattraCTED to bbothg menANdWOMEN... DIDI H APPORN 2 MENTION I FIND MY dAD ATRACKTIVE/ iweoulfd like2 b wifeeth heim but... dooooode thatsi a veRy durstribingthougtbnr

iam goinkds to bedsa onow


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